Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Monday, March 29, 2010

Missed Connection Mondays

I saw you at the Beach and i wanted to take you and eat you out babe - m4w - 25 (south beach)
i was just at the beach and i saw so many sexy girls in there bikinis and i got so turned on that i was not able to take it any more :) so i came back to my Hotel room, and im sure that when you where at the beach you saw so many sexy guys as well and that sweet pussy got so wet hoping for a sexy good looking guy comes around and plays with it and licks it out really good :) so guess what the sexy guy is here from NY and i want you babe, i wanna make you go crazy hit me up.

You stole my breath... and my sushi - m4w - 27 (FSU)
It was a magical night, the wind was blowing, the trees were singing. I genuinely felt electricity in the air as I entered my local Publix last night. I was on a mission. A mission to obtain yummy sushi. Brown rice spicy tuna. Yes, please! And then I saw you and stopped. You were breathtaking in your own way. Your hair flowed, pale complexion drew in passers-by. Our eyes met as I wandered close. I was going to say hi, but I didn't as I fell into a jealous rage when I got close.
You wandered away and I was left heartbroken and stomachbroken. Left to choose between inferior white-rice spicy tuna or a combo roll, wondering
where it all went wrong. I've rethought my position, and I think there might be something between us. I have some jealousy issues when it comes to sushi, and some repressed nerd-rage, but we can work through them. Write me?

You brightened up my trailer - before you ran out the door in disgust - m4w - 60 (Gainesville Outskirts)
I can't get you out of my mind. How your body looked silhouetted against the Miller Lite beer sign hanging in my living room. You played the part so well. Walking into my double-wide and listening to every instruction as I guided you from kitchen as I made my self and peanut-butter and banana sandwich. You stepped over the beer cans littering the place like a nimble deer would step through a dew-covered field of clover. You didn't mind the video camera I had set up on the glass top wicker dining room table. Especially after I told you it was there to capture your beauty for the rest of the world to see. I could see you hesitate as I asked you to take off your sweater. As I told you it would get warm since my A/C had been broken for two years. But you did it - nervously. Oh, where are you my muse ....
When I walked into the living room with you, sandwich in one hand, and 98 oz big gulp of Dr. Pepper in the other, I saw you recoil as if you had been bitten by a . Am I so hideous to you? Can't you see the man I really am beneath the overalls and layers of heart-clogging fat. As I fell into my t.v. watching chair, I asked you to come closer so I could see you better. Stepping towards me, you heard a sound in the next room. That's when my son fell through the door he had cracked open, and lay sprawled on the floor with another video camera in hand.
Why did you run......

Saturday, March 27, 2010

You know i'm really wired...

0:12 goes down in cinematic history. Also check out this equally amazing movie scene...Click Here

Friday, March 26, 2010

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Sexting Tiger Hidden Room Key

Tiger:Sent: 04"02 PM 08/29/2009:
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you

Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little wh*re. Put my c*ck in your ass and then shove it down your throat

Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009:
You are my f*cking wh*re

Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and F*ck that ass that i own

Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:
Then im going to tell you to shut the F*ck up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise

Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009:
Where do you want to be bitten

Tiger:Sent: 04:24 PM 08/29/2009:
Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine

Tiger:Sent: 03:15 AM 09/07/2009:
You are going to be headed to the hyatt lodge. 2815 jorie blvd oak brook, il 60523. Phone 630 990 5800

Tiger:Sent: 06:30 PM 09/07/2009:
Let me know when your about 20 out i will order dinner. And what would you like to eat

Tiger:Sent: 07:09 PM 09/07/2009:
What do you want to eat

Tiger:Sent: 07:12 PM 09/07/2009:
No turkey unless it's a club sandwich

Tiger:Sent: 01:28 PM 09/08/2009:
Have you ever had a golden shower done to you

Tiger:Sent: 01:29 PM 09/08/2009:
Just morbid curiosity

Tiger:Sent: 01:30 PM 09/08/2009:
Really. You. You have done just about everything havent you

Tiger:Sent: 01:32 PM 09/08/2009:
Never done it. I think i would get stage freight

So they released Tiger Woods texts to the public. I feel bad for the guy, I mean he's only human. People hold these athletes up so high when they're no different from me or you. Also why is he losing his sponsors? Wasn't he sponsored for his golf skills, Is he not the best golfer still? I mean he didn't get on Nike or Gatorade for how well he treats his wife.

Hey man that was really awesome how you came home early and surprised your wife with those chocolates!...We here at Nike like that we think you would be a perfect fit for us. How about 100 million a year. Cool...? Alright Super! Keep up the good work!

Also when this is all said and done and when the book comes out telling us "the real story" can the title please be 'No Turkey Unless it's a Club Sandwich'. That would be great.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Missed Connection Mondays

wanted to be your slave - m4w - 50 (new port richey)
like to be your sex slave ill be your sex slave ill do what every you ask of me ill even let you sit on my face and piss in my mouth ill be your slave i am in new port richey

If a Woman's Sneezing Turns you on? - w4m - 22
Believe it or not there are thousands of men who are looking for me and my girls! Sneezing may sound strange but there are many of you
who have a "sneeze fetish"...Do you want your thirst quench? If you don't know what it is then please don't contact me..but if you love to see HOT women sneeze then you need to hit me up!

Cute asian guy with mullet - w4m - 23 (Tallahassee)
I see you everywhere! I just think you are really cute and I LOVE your hair. Lets get together sometime ;)

Friday, March 19, 2010

Thursday, March 18, 2010

You can't rob a bank with a banana

'Banana' bank robber gets up to 20 years
Philadelphia man used fruit to imply he had a gun when he held up KNBT in Bethlehem

A Philadelphia man who stuffed a rotten banana in his pants to make it look as if he had a gun while robbing a Bethlehem bank pleaded guilty Tuesday and faces up to 20 years behind bars.
Lloyd Virgil Barclay, 52, admitted claiming he had a gun and threatening a clerk at KNBT bank on 920 W. Broad St. while stealing $800 on Sept. 2, 2009.
But Barclay didn't make it hard for police to catch him. Lehigh County Senior Deputy District Attorney Tonya Tharp said Barclay left behind his wallet, which contained two ID cards and a Social Security card. ''Yeah, I dropped that,'' Barclay told Judge Kelly L. Banach on Tuesday. ''Did you want to get caught?'' Banach asked. ''No,'' Barclay said with a laugh. ''I just dropped it.''
Banach is scheduled to sentence Barclay on the robbery charge next month. Barclay was on state parole when he was arrested, so he faces additional time for violating his parole. According to Tharp: Barclay slipped a note to a bank teller around 9:15 a.m. demanding money from her drawer. The note said the teller would be ''hurt immediately'' if she didn't comply. After receiving $800, he said he wanted more and told another employee he had a gun. Barclay then fled, leaving his wallet at the bank. Police matched the photo on his ID cards to the image of Barclay on a bank surveillance video and he was arrested two months later.
Barclay told investigators he kept a blackened banana in his pocket during the robbery to imply he had a gun. Police say they also found the note in Barclay's belongings that was given to the clerk demanding money. Barclay has been in Lehigh County Prison under $500,000 bail.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

High Society

PeeWeeKirkland seriously doesn't give a fuck. That Florida tattoo=proof

This is why everyone was here....or the free PBR

Spy vs Spy

Artistic inspiration from PBR works for Goodwine

The one on the left now resides on my wall...Thank You Goodwine!

Manny's got an amazing pool stance

Ian knows his way around a sharpie

My old teammate Anthony Correa was even there

The scene

She can dance if she wants to!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Missed Connection Mondays

wheelchair bound - m4w - 24 (publix)
You were in a wheelchair at Publix, and gave be the best smile I've seen all week. I hope you got more than just the chips you grabbed for...

lets have some fun !!! - m4w - 41 (n.p.r.)

looking for crossdressers or woman who love to c men wearing lingerrie and u can have your way with . i will do pretty much what ever u want as long as it is wearing lingerrie etc. just fantasy and a good clean fun time. if u are up for it let me know im ready are u???? your pic gets mine. j.

Salty Sweet - w4m
I watched a movie the other day and you gave me some Butterfingers...but then you took them back. I hear you ate them. You tried to replace them with a potato while we watched the US-Canada hockey game. It was a nice potato: small, firm, reddish-brown, boiled. I wanted to keep it in my pocket but my friends made fun of me. Actually, no, I didn't want to keep it. Potatoes do not replace Butterfingers! Actually, no, I don't even like Butterfingers! I like Reese's Pieces. If I had that potato right now I would launch it at you. Well, if I had that potato right now and knew where you were THEN I would launch it at you. I'm in the process of finding out...so keep your eyes on the sky...

Friday, March 12, 2010

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Could this be........

The greatest Youtube video of all time?!!try to make it atleast to 1:33

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Monday, March 8, 2010

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Old Reservoir

a long time ago Mr. Cruz and I simultaneously punched each other in the face, we each connected precisely...thus knocking us both on the ground. Needless to say it was an interesting night.

I am a male model, not a male prostitute

Gow sandwich

look at him...he loooves it

mustache cheese

Cruz and Coakley workin on their hand gestures

dumb bitch #1 and Doc Holliday

dumb bitch sandwich

dumb bitch #2 showing us her rabies

almost foaming at the mouth

Doc showing his old trigger finger

K Coaks paper planes or the condition?

can somebody please get on Porpes level

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Monday, March 1, 2010

Missed Connection Mondays

Hipster Girl at The Top - m4w - 24 (Gainesville)
You're so hot and trendy!
You: Trendy hair with some kind of ugly unnatural hair colour, ironic tattoos that you'll regret, decades out of style leggings, super duper cool rad wayfarer ray ban sunglasses (knock off of course, wouldn't want to be too mainstream would we?).
Me: Laughing at you. Hope to hear from you!

little person at walmart almost 2 weeks ago - m4w - 30 (fleming island)
I wanted to talk to you.... I was trying not to stare because I didn't want you to think it was because of your height. It was because you were so beautiful.... I know this is stupid you'll probably never see this or care but I really would love to have dinner or drinks and get to know you.

driving down i4 jacking off - m4w (i4)
When I'm driving home late at night I like to jack off while driving. Sometimes I'll roll the window down and look at a girl while I'm driving next to her. Nobody has seemed to notice...if you have send me an email and what car I was driving.